Mike Valle Of Milton Hershey School On Raising Children With Healthy Social Media & Digital Media Habits

Young people today are growing up in an era where screen time is a given from a very young age. Unfortunately, studies show that large amounts of screen time can be damaging, and social media can be even worse. Our children are facing enormous challenges before their brains and bodies have had a chance to develop fully. Social media can potentially keep kids from developing social cues and lead to increased mental health challenges, bullying, and much more. So what can parents do to create healthier habits around social media? How can kids be taught to use social media in a healthy way that causes as little damage as possible? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, and mental health professionals, about Raising Children With Healthy Social Media and Digital Media Habits. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Mike Valle.

Mike Valle is a licensed psychologist, nationally certified school psychologist and Associate Director of Psychological Services at Milton Hershey School (MHS), a cost-free, private residential pre-K through grade 12 school that has impacted the lives of more than 11,000 children since it was founded in 1909. Mike has served in various roles within Psychological Services at MHS over nearly 20 years. He has a passion for resilience and trauma-informed practices. He has also taught in the department of psychology at Elizabethtown College, Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine and Lebanon Valley College. Mike earned his Ph.D. in School Psychology from the University of South Carolina and his B.A. in Psychology at the University of Notre Dame.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?

I come from a family of educators — both my parents and my extended family were very invested in teaching and coaching. At a young age, through volunteering and other opportunities, I discovered my own personal passion for working with children and adolescents. I saw firsthand the impact you could have on individuals even after brief interactions and later found that psychology was a natural fit for me. Today, I combine those interests by working as a psychologist for children and adolescents at Milton Hershey School, a cost-free, residential pre-K through grade 12 school for children from low-income backgrounds around the United States.

Can you share the most interesting story that has happened since you started your career?

When I was a young professional at Milton Hershey School, I was working with a student and his family. The student was really struggling with processing trauma and anger, and at the time we weren’t sure if he wanted to remain at our school. In the end, I was able to help the student through these challenges and he eventually moved through middle school and successfully graduated from our high school as well. After graduation, 10–15 years after I had worked with him and his family, they reached out to thank me for my support and emphasized the important role I was able to play in what he viewed as a critical crossroads in his life. It was amazing to hear that in a brief period, I made such a positive, lasting impression on a student when I was still a young psychologist. This story re-emphasizes to me that you never know how or when you have the potential to impact someone — so every moment matters.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I’m involved in the ongoing growth of Milton Hershey School and identifying how we can better serve the next generation of students who come through our doors. We are in the process of launching Catherine Hershey Schools for Early Learning, an early childhood education initiative. We are building initially six centers across Pennsylvania that will provide high-quality learning communities that nurture, educate and empower children and families in social and financial need to lead fulfilling and productive lives. I’m particularly excited about this because I believe that early intervention for children is critical, and this will enable us to support children as young as infants. For our current students, I also have assisted in the development of our universal social and emotional learning curriculum that ensures all students develop foundational skills for success.

Beyond Milton Hershey School, I have a passion for teaching and working with the next generation of mental health professionals. There is such a heavy need in the community, and I have taught at both the undergraduate and graduate levels to help support this demand.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

“There Are No Children Here” by Alex Kotlowitz. I read this book when I was in college and still formulating my career plans. This true story of two brothers who grew up in Chicago was eye opening for me in terms of the day-to-day struggles people experience in our country and around the world. This book solidified my desire to serve populations in need and provide mental health support for children.

Fantastic. Let’s now turn to the main part of our interview. For the benefit of our readers, can you tell us a bit about why you are an authority on how to help children develop healthy social media habits?

I believe we do our best work when we look at health and development from a whole-child perspective. As a psychologist, I help kids navigate social situations, their emotions, anxieties and real-world experiences. Social media plays a role in how young people view themselves and their identity. In today’s world, social media is part of that whole-person approach.

From your experience or research, can you help articulate some of the downsides of children having access to social media? Is there an amount of time, or certain content, that is just too much?

I believe that guidelines and parameters on social media should evolve as children develop. As kids get older, parameters should evolve as well. Access and exposure to social media and other digital devices should be limited and should not dominate their daily lives as they balance school, extracurriculars, socialization, sleep, and hobbies.

The biggest danger in my opinion is exposure to ideas, content, or images that children are not developmentally able or ready to understand, which is why it’s important to maintain online boundaries. Thus, I believe educating children and adolescents in online safety is of significant importance. Helping individuals understand healthy online habits raises awareness on how to navigate things like cyberbullying and people misrepresenting themselves behind a screen. Kids are also susceptible to comparing themselves unrealistically to peers, which can impact their self-image. In all these areas, we need to be transparent with them about the reality of our concerns by creating space for open dialogue.

Is there a positive side too? Can children gain and grow from social media?

Absolutely! We are more connected locally, nationally and internationally, faster than ever before. We can stay connected to family and friends and continue lasting relationships in significant ways. We also have more exposure to different cultures, opportunities and ways of life. Digital and social media provides tremendous opportunities for young people to discover their interests and impact the world in positive ways.

Social media is an accepted part of life today. We know that along with all of the good comes a lot of challenges. From your experience or research, what five steps can we take to raise children with healthy social media and digital media habits?

1. Education — Before we give kids access to social media, we must teach them early on about online safety and the pros and cons of the online world. Just like we would teach them about safety precautions when crossing the street or interacting with strangers in public, these online safety behaviors need to be emphasized from the start.
2. Be Realistic — Social media is a part of our world and is not something we can eliminate or avoid. Parents should set realistic expectations. Plan ahead and create parameters to guide kids through this experience, rather than “winging it.”
3. Teach Positive Behaviors — We must talk to our kids about how to act appropriately online and the importance of remaining kind and empathetic, even behind the screen. They should know that the same guidelines for interacting with others apply even if someone’s not right in front of you.
4. Stay Involved — The world of technology is often changing and evolving. For example, new apps seem to pop up every other week. Stay up to date and maintain ongoing open conversations with kids. As the landscape changes, usage and guidelines may need to be adapted as well.
5. Find Balance and Create Healthy Habits — Make sure your kids have a balance with all things in life. They need to balance the use of technology — whether that’s social media, video games, TV time, etc. — with healthy habits like sleep, nutrition and exercise.

How do you effectively respond to the constant refrain of “but all my friends to this!”?

This is always a challenge, and it comes up in all areas of life for young people, beyond social media. It’s important that our kids understand early in life that not all households have the same rules. I recommend you remain empathetic when kids raise concerns to allow them a space to feel heard even if they don’t like the ultimate decision that needs to be made. As children become adolescents, striving for independence is developmentally expected, so they will naturally push back on limits, but kids need to know that rules like social media usage are ultimately their parents’ decisions. Of course, there will be frustration when we say “no” and we can mitigate this by being consistent, creating space for open communication and showing flexibility on certain topics when possible.

What are the best resources you would suggest to a parent or educator who would like to learn more about this?

There are great resources out there to guide parents. I suggest those that are backed by professional organizations and research, such as the American Psychological Association (APA), National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) and Healthychildren.org, which is affiliated with the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?

I love this quote from “The Man in the Arena” by Teddy Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

This quote is powerful for students and athletes, and one I really appreciate myself. Young people need to have the courage to be bold and authentic; to not be afraid to fail, and when they do, to pick themselves up and try again. In the context of social media, it’s very easy to be a critic on the sidelines, but kids should rise above that. This small concept can make a huge difference.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

I am most passionate about the idea of increasing equity in education, healthcare, and mental health support for all families and children around the world. The more support we can provide to children early on, the more we can break generational cycles of poverty and have long term impacts on society. This is what we are striving to do at Milton Hershey School.

What is the best way our readers can continue to follow your work online?

Readers can follow me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-valle-3062b4120/ or check out our school’s website: www.mhskids.org.

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.