Ed Lee: Inside the Founder's Quest to Transform Grief and Mental Health Awareness Through Vulnerability

Losing a loved one to suicide is a heart-wrenching experience. It can also be confusing, and it usually comes with a lot of mixed-up feelings, including anger and guilt. What are some things that family members would like other people to know about losing a loved one to suicide? As a part of this interview series, I had the distinct pleasure to interview Ed Lee.

Ed Lee is co-founder and partner of Wahoo’s Fish Taco, responsible for the expansion and development of what has become one of the most iconic fast-casual restaurant brands in the United States. With more than 40 years of experience in the restaurant and hospitality industry, he has helped his co-founding brothers Wing Lam and Mingo Lee establish Wahoo’s as a pop culture mainstay in California and beyond.

Thank you for your bravery and strength in being so open with us. I personally understand how hard this is. Before we dive in, can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself and what you do professionally?

In addition to Wahoo’s Fish Taco, I am a co-founder of Toast Kitchen & Bakery, Fill Bakeshop, and Tableau Kitchen & Bar. I also started a company called Seven Hour Drive that makes a patented water-saving device for restaurants and commercial kitchens.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

2022 was a monumental year for me. My co-founder and I opened new restaurants — one at the beginning of the year and one at the end of the year.

I also co-authored and launched After: Learning How to Live After the Death of a Child, a vulnerable retelling of the tragic death of my son and my journey to integrate this heart-wrenching loss into my life. My hope is that my story will help guide men during their journey. Since the book’s debut, I have dedicated myself to speaking engagements to share my story of loss and grief.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

If you don’t ask, you don’t get. It gave me courage to use my voice to speak up. I begin by inquiring within my network to see if they have a referral for me or an answer to my questions.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers about your loss?

In 2016, my younger son Emilio took his life with a gun.

What was the scariest part of it? What did you think was the worst thing that could happen to you?

The scariest part is never knowing why. He didn’t show any signs of distress in our home leading up to that moment and the investigation didn’t provide any clues. I would lose all hope if I ever lost my older son.

How did you react in the short term?

I was in a complete loss, trying to wake up from the devastation.

After the dust settled, what coping mechanisms did you use?

Counseling helped me learn how to take it one day at a time.

Can you share with us how you were eventually able to heal, at least to some degree?

I am not healed. I’m still learning to live with it. Knowing it will never be fixed, you can start the journey towards acceptance.

In my own grief journey, I found writing to be cathartic. Did you engage in any writing during that time, such as journaling, poetry, or writing letters? If yes, we’d love to hear about any stories or examples.

I started journaling as part of my counseling, and my entries are the inspiration for the content in my book After: Learning How to Live After the Death of a Child. My favorite memory with Emilio was when he was 4 or 5. I drove him to school every day and we would listen to the stock market report. He didn’t understand, but he would ask, “Did we make or lose money dad?”

Aside from letting go, what did you do to create an internal, emotional shift to feel better?

I will never let go. Now, I just focus on the happy 17 ½ years he gave us. I still miss him every day.

Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to cope and heal? Can you share a story about that?

My co-author Ron Ottenad! When I decided to get help, he was there to guide me as I took my first step towards counseling. Before taking that first step, I made a decision that I wanted to continue living.

And without my wife Michal, I would not have survived. With her love and support, I am still here.

What did you learn about yourself from this very difficult experience? Can you please explain with a story or example?

I learned the importance of self-care. Whether it’s going for a run or getting a cup of hot chocolate, I make sure to carve out quiet time for myself to reflect and simply live. Remaining in the men’s group reminds me not to grieve alone.

What did you do to get help and support for yourself?

I had to spiral in my grieving process before I realized I needed to get help. I wanted to save myself so I could return to being a great husband and father. I made a commitment to a counselor who holds me accountable for remaining dedicated to my intentions and a men’s group that allows me to be vulnerable in sharing.

What signs would you tell parents, friends or loved ones to look for in people they think may need help?

As Emilio showed no signs of trouble, we had no idea what was happening in his mind. I wouldn’t know how to help others in this situation.

Thank you for sharing all of this. Here is the main question of our interview. Based on your experiences and knowledge, what are five thing you want people to know about losing a loved one to suicide?

Please share a story or example for each.

1. Get counseling. It helps to process the emotions.
2. Prioritize self-care. Commit to making the time to nourish yourself in small ways.
3. Focus on happy memories. Relive those moments rather than drown in the why and anger.
4. Everyone grieves differently. Be patient and kind to yourself and to those who are grieving.
5. Don’t counsel others. Grief is not fixable.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

My wife taught me to be kind to everyone as you don’t know what they are dealing with at the moment.

We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)

Keanu Reeves. He seems to be such a generous, humble, kind, and peaceful person.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

www.linkedin.com/in/edleewahoos

Thank you so much for your courage in telling your story. We greatly appreciate your time, and we wish you only continued success and good health.

About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!