Self-Care & Mental Wellness: Constance Mckinsey Neal Of YWCA of Northwest Louisiana On The Top Five Selfcare Practices That Improve Mental Wellness

Let’s face it. It seems that everyone is under a great deal of stress these days. This takes a toll on our mental wellness. What are some of the best self-care practices that we can use to help improve our mental wellness and mental well-being? In this interview series, we are talking to medical doctors, mental health professionals, health and wellness professionals, and experts about self-care or mental health who can share insights from their experience about How Each Of Us Can Use Self Care To Improve Our Mental Wellness. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Constance Mckinsey Neal.

Constance is a former educator who has worked with children with special needs. Currently she is an author and trauma counselor working with women and teen girls. She enjoys spending time with family and friends.

Thank you so much for doing this interview with us. It is a great honor. Our readers would love to learn more about you and your personal background. Can you please share your personal story? What has brought you to this point in your life?

I am a former educator who has taught preschool, middle school and high school. I worked with children who have special needs. After 28 years of working with children, I transitioned to the mental health field working with persons of all ages especially women and teen girls.

What is your “WHY” behind what you do? What fuels you?

My why is the passion and desire to see people healed from the trauma of past and present events that keep them from moving forward in life.

Sometimes our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about a mistake or failure which you now appreciate has taught you a valuable lesson?

One thing I have learned over the years is the importance of communication. It is important to talk about important topics in person not thru text. Your message come across in a way that you did not intend and can really offend or cause issues with that person.

You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

One character trait was watching my mom show determination to make life better for her children after she and my dad divorced. She had me at the age of 14. After the divorce, she decided to go to school to become an RN. Her completing that goal set her children on a path to model success for their lives. The second trait would be faithfulness. I experienced and saw my mom’s faithfulness to her God, her children and her goal to get a college education to improve the lives of her family and serve others during their journey to the physical healing of their bodies. I was able to mirror that faithfulness during my educational career, journey to the mental field and to overcome various obstacles in my own life and spiritual journey. My third trait would be consistency. Initially, I used the word stubborn which when I looked up my name “Constance” it meant “stubborn or constant”. So the word constant/consistent aka “stubborn”. Once I make up my mind to do something or about something, I generally do not change from it. Regardless of what I have gone thru, I maintain a consistent pursuit of my God-given vision to help families heal from trauma, hurt and pain through counseling.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting new projects you are working on now?

How do you think that will help people? Currently, I am preparing to launch my digital course called Transform Your Home Now based on the book, I Need A Parent, Not A Friend. It will assist families, parents in beginning the healing process through reflection, self-examination and application of the knowledge within the book.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview, about the interface between self-care and mental health. From where you stand personally or professionally, why are you so passionate about mental well-being?

I come from a background of education and service to others. When people serve others directly for example teachers, police officers, the medical profession just to name few, you constantly hear, listen to other peoples’ problems. We take all that in; sometimes its hard to not take the job home or problems home with you. In order to help with this, it is important to have a consistent self-care routine in place. This is important no matter what kind of work one does.

Based on your research or experience, how exactly does self-care impact our mental wellness?

Self-care is extremely important; if you are not taking care of your self-care, not only do you suffer but the other areas of your life suffer as well. That may be your spouse, children, your job or your studies if you are a student. If each spouse is not taking care of themselves, they may lose sight of being the best spouse that he/she can be. They may stop communicating as much or pull back. In regards, to children, you may not be as focused on them or be in tune to them as you normally are for example picking up on differences in their behavior, responses, etc. On the job, your performance may suffer, you may have low production and working relationships may also suffer. When students experience stress, difficulty, it is hard to focus or concentrate on schoolwork.

Here is our primary question. Can you please share your “Top Five Selfcare Practices That Each Of Us Can Use To Improve Our Mental Wellness”?

The first practice is to watch what you take in your body nutritionally. What you eat affects how you feel and think. Increase fruits and veggies and water; pay attention to how what you eat affects your body. For instance, when I eat more of the colorful foods/veggies such as yellow, orange, red peppers with leafy greens, it helps me feel better. On the contrary, when I take in sugar or chocolate, it makes me feel sluggish, sleepy and tired. It is important to monitor what you eat. The old adage, “you are what you eat” certainly is true.

Second is the use of affirmations. When I work with my clients, a lot of them have difficulty coming up with positive things or aspects of themselves especially when they have suffered from domestic violence, etc. Start your day with positive words about yourself. It could be based on you need/want to overcome. For example, someone with low self-esteem could use:” I love myself” while looking in the mirror. I ask, “what does that look like to you?” Words have power; the more you say something, the more you believe it. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the contrary, if you constantly speak negativity, you will have that as well. For example, as a self-reflection, think about a time when you have spoken negative about yourself, to your child, etc. How did that affect you or your child? Did that negative thought or word(s) manifest? On the contrary, reflect on something good or positive that you said to yourself/your child/or someone else you know or love? How that turn out or manifest for you? What you think on constantly is what you will have or experience whether negative or positive. Many self-help books have been written on this topic.

Third, reflect on your spiritual connection if it applies. Many use this to assist in their daily walk/work as part of the strategy to cope with life’s difficulties. According to GoodTherapy.org, clients who refer or incorporate their spiritual belief see a benefit to it. They may include consolation when grieving, receiving encouragement socially and emotionally and seeking life’s purpose. Some of my clients have expressed a reliance on their faith and have expressed that it is helpful to them.

The fourth tip is physical movement or exercise. Take small steps, do not overexert yourself. Start out by walking and work your way up. You can walk in place. If you already accustomed to working out. Just get back into the routine of things; it is hard to start back once you have stopped. If you are a morning person, you may want walk in the morning. Basically, do what works for you. Exercise does help us to feel better. If you’re not into walking/running, there are plenty of other options such as biking, swimming and various types of exercise programs.

Last, but not least is to get as much sleep and rest as possible. One way to prepare for that is to shower at night. It helps relax you and rid you of the day happenings. Next is to make sure that the room is dark. There various types of darkening curtains available. You can also diffuse essential oils in your room that help you relax while you are taking your shower. Most diffusers will turn off automatically. If possible, establish a routine time that you want to be in bed by.

Can you please s. hare a few of the main roadblocks that prevent people from making better self-care choices?

One roadblock would be the lack of knowledge on self-care. Many people are just focused on survival which may be working 2/3 jobs just to put food on the table for the family. If you are a single mom, it intensifies. A lot my clients will say, I don’t have time or are just so tired at the end of the day and just can’t fit it in. Another roadblock is lack of time. One just does not know how they can fit it in. From getting up very early to going to bed late at night. For the men, it is important as well. Many are them are workaholics as well and don’t have self-care included in their routine. During a workshop on self-care, one guy stated that he did not know about different things to use such as Epsom salts and essential oils to assist with self-care routine or winding down from a hard day. A third reason is not knowing how to incorporate it into to what you are already doing. For example, instead of taking a regular bath or shower include essential oils and Epsom/dead sea salts or scented bath salts in the bath. For the shower, a towel scented with essential oil can be used. Turn on the shower, let it get steamy then place the towel in so the aroma can rise. Some scents for relaxation are lavender, roman chamomile. Lavender and orange go well together. Citrus scents work well to uplift. You could just use your favorite and explore others. The important thing is to start the process and commit to it.

What would you suggest can be done to overcome those roadblocks?

To overcome the roadblocks, one must be intentional, just start. One way is to be intentional. As a counselor, one thing that I do is to intentionally take time off work on a quarterly basis. I have it on my calendar. Even if no trip is planned, I can do a staycation or simply do things around the house. The main thing is taking the time to slow down and reconnect to what is important to you. Next, re-evaluate what helps you to relax or focus? What brings you joy? Is there a need to consider a job or career change? Establish a daily routine to minimize chaos or disorder. Start small so that it will not be so overwhelming. Once you establish your own routine, if you have children, you can include the family in various activities. This can be a teaching tool for you and a learning experience for the children or the spouse.

If you continue on the road which you are on now (without making changes), how do you think it will work out for you? the people that you love or depend on you? (spouse, children)?

Thank you for all that great insight! Let’s start wrapping up. Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does this quote resonate with you so much? As a man, thinketh, so is he. This resonates because whatever one focuses on, that will be the result. Just think about rappers who rap about death especially their own, they ended up dead. So, if I pay attention to how I think or what I think, I can reframe or change my thoughts about me or my situation, I can change my outcome. Not saying that if will always be easy or happen instantly. Many times, it is a process.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? They might just see this, especially if we both tag them :-)

Dr. Lisa Cook, a Counselor in Prospect, KY. I met her years ago and we lost contact with one another.

I truly appreciate your time and valuable contribution. One last question. How can our readers best reach or follow you?

I may be reached at Ineedaparentnotafriend@gmail.com. My social media handles are as follows: https://www.facebook.com/WFISShttps://www.facebook.com/WFISS, https://www.instagram.com/wholefaminterventionservices,

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.