Bill Gentry Of Gentry Law Firm On 5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce

As a part of our series about the “5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce Or Breakup” we had the pleasure of interviewing William C. “Bill” Gentry.

William C. “Bill” Gentry (www.williamcgentry.com) is an attorney and owner of the Gentry Law Firm, LLC, and the author of I Want Out: A Woman’s Guide To Finding Peace Through Divorce. For over 35 years, Gentry has made a point of representing women seeking the promise of a better life. Gentry graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the University of Virginia’s Economics Honors Program and earned his JD from the University of Georgia School of Law. As a divorce and family law attorney, he helps clients understand that divorce is not an end but a beginning. His clients seek him out because of his record in securing brighter futures for the women who needed them most.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to “get to know you.” Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?

I grew up in Buckhead/Atlanta, Ga. as the fourth of five children. I attended City of Atlanta Public Schools (Garden Hills Elementary and North Fulton High School). My father was a lawyer, and my mother was his legal secretary. Academics were always very important, and academic success was always applauded and rewarded.

Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

Several other people in our extended family are lawyers or worked in the law. Growing up, I thought everyone had as defined a sense of fairness and right and wrong that my family instilled in me as a child. As a young adult, I saw that the law could (and should) be used as a tool to protect the weak from the strong and help make life fairer and more just for people.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?

There really are so many, but early in my career as a lawyer a young woman sat down in front of me needing a divorce lawyer. Her husband had beaten her seriously, and I knew I had to help her in getting a divorce and in getting protection from her husband.

Do you have a favorite life lesson quote? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?

I have a lot of life lesson quotes, but one that I try to share with all my divorce clients who have children is this: “You never look good trying to make someone else look bad.”

Another one I love (and it helps keep me focused on helping people) is this: “The most beautiful thing in the world is watching the light come on in someone’s eyes after they’ve been lost in the dark for so long.”

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I’ve just recently finished my book — I Want Out: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Peace Through Divorce. The book shares stories and experiences from throughout my 37-year career to help women understand the divorce process and visualize the happier life that can lay on the other side of it. I’ve shared the book with many past clients who have been very supportive and told me that they wish they’d had the benefit of my book when they were going through their divorce.

Can you tell us a bit about your experience as a divorce lawyer? What have you learned about yourself throughout your career?

I’ve been married for over 36 years. My wife frequently remarks that my clients’ experience has given me a roadmap for what to do and, perhaps more importantly, what not to do as a husband to keep our marriage strong.

In your opinion, what are the most common mistakes people make after they go through a divorce? What can be done to avoid that?

Many people fail to adequately plan for their post-divorce life while the divorce is happening and wait until the divorce is final to begin thinking about what their life will look like on the other side. I tell people to begin planning their post-divorce life as soon as they come in to see us to start the divorce process. They need to consider things like: Where will they live? Will they want to change jobs, perhaps to try to earn more money? If necessary, who can help them watch/transport/raise their children? There’s no reason people can’t begin thinking about these questions right away, instead of waiting until after their divorce is final.

People generally label divorce as being “negative.” And yes, while there are downsides, there can also be a lot of positives that come out of it as well. What would you say that they are? Can you share an example or share a story?

It’s very normal and understandable to think of divorce as being negative, when in fact it can and should be viewed as a rebirth of your family. When mom and dad are very unhappy with one another, the children often know this or at least feel the increased stress levels, especially when an unhappy mom and dad interact. Seeing this stress level drop after mom and dad separate can alleviate some of the ambient stress that children can feel when their parents are not happy together. I’ve had many women complain about having to “walk on eggshells” when their husband is at home; this feeling disappears once the parties live in separate homes.

Some people are scared to “get back out there” and date again after being with their former spouse for many years and hearing dating horror stories. What would you say to motivate someone to get back out there and start a new beginning?

First of all, don’t rush it. You will feel when the time is right. Trust your instincts on this. While you may have friends who want to set you up (and they mean well), give yourself some time to grieve the end of your marriage so that when you feel the time is right, you can devote your attention to a possible new relationship.

What is the one thing people going through a divorce should be open to changing?

Perhaps most important is to revise your definition of what a “family” is. Many people think that a mom, a dad, and two kids is what a family must look like. That’s simply not true. What may work best for you is mom and two kids, and that’s OK!

If you had a close friend come to you for advice after a divorce, what are five things you would advise in order to survive and thrive after the divorce?

(1) Kids come first. Transitions are difficult, and the time you’ll need to invest in your children’s transition to their new lives will take several months, but devoting that time to them now will reap benefits later.

(2) While kids do come first, don’t forget about yourself. Exercise, eat right, and spend good downtime with your friends and relatives. They will help sustain you emotionally as you adjust to your new reality and handle the transition to your new and better life.

(3) Give yourself some grace. You’ll be working on trying many new things. Lots of them will work out well, but a few will not. That’s OK! If something is not working out, review and revise your strategy and applaud yourself for “failing forward.”

(4) Don’t forget about your finances. While in the short term things may be problematic, don’t get caught in the credit card trap and fail to save money for your future and ultimately for your retirement. Divorce often means that you have to adjust to a new budget. Make sure you prepare for that ahead of time.

(5) Always work toward cooperation with your co-parent. Sometimes you’ll have to bite your lip if and when your ex is not being fair with you, but remember that you are modeling behavior for your children and creating either favorable or unfavorable conduct that a judge may be called on to review in the future. Make sure you can easily defend anything you do if you end up being cross-examined about it on the witness stand in a future court hearing.

The stress of a divorce can take a toll on both one’s mental and emotional health. In your opinion or experience, what are a few things people going through a divorce can do to alleviate this pain and anguish?

In addition to the points in response to the previous question, consider joining a divorce support group. Hearing what others are having to deal with often eases the pain and teaches you new coping strategies. Therapy can also be a very useful tool for transitioning to a life after divorce. Keep your support system strong.

Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?

A friend of mine, Rich Heller, is a couples relationship coach and has a podcast called Rich in Relationship, which he graciously invited me to join as a guest a few months ago. This is a great podcast for people to work through their relationships with the people in their lives to help strengthen them before they end up coming to me for a divorce!

Thank you for these great insights and for the time you spent with this interview. We wish you only continued success!