Author Anthony Damaschino of The Empty Nest Blueprint Books on Five Tips for A Great Relationship With Your Adult Child

As children grow into adulthood, the parent-child dynamic naturally shifts. Maintaining a strong, healthy, and respectful relationship requires understanding, communication, and a willingness to adapt. How can parents and their adult children foster meaningful and lasting connections? As a part of this series I had the pleasure of interviewing Anthony Damaschino.

Anthony Damaschino, author of The Empty Nest Blueprint books and a three-time award-winning author, is passionate about what he calls ‘the most underrated phase in a parent’s life.’ His books, honored by the American Book Fest, International Book Awards, and National Indie Excellence® Awards, provide a comprehensive guide for current and future Empty Nesters to thrive. Damaschino draws on current research, practical advice, and personal experiences from single and married parents, helping readers navigate the complexities of midlife and evolving relationships.

In addition to his writing, Anthony hosts the Dawnversations with Anthony podcast, where he shares dynamic, relatable discussions on the joys and challenges of midlife. As a speaker, he engages audiences with inspiring messages about embracing the empty nest phase and the power of self-discovery.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a little about yourself?

I am a father of three, husband to one, and friend to almost anyone. After deciding to no longer work for the man in 2020, I call myself a recovering HR Executive. With time on my hands and having three children in college and High School, I began writing my debut book on Empty Nesting after obsessing over the challenges all parents launching their children into the world face. When I’m not spending my days at my local library writing, I can be found out in nature, impersonating an accomplished hiker.

Thank you for sharing that. Let’s jump into our main topic. What are the key challenges parents face when transitioning from raising a child to building a healthy relationship with an adult child?

I call this the transition from Parent-Child to Parent Adult relationship. This transition happens as early as having a child flex their independence in high school, sometimes through college, or after college when a child has returned home and eventually ventures out on their own.

Biggest Challenges Parents Face:

1. Relinquishing control. For the first 16 years of a child’s life, most parents actively engage, control, and manage almost every aspect of their children’s lives. This is a hard habit to break.
2. Communication struggles. As the late teen or early adult wants to flex their knowledge, independence, and thoughts, the dialogue between child and parent can suffer. There is a shift from directing conversations as a parent to gravitating towards listening and advice and support — not telling an adult child what to do but moving towards communicating as a peer.
3. Independence — I discuss this in my book a lot, but when a child leaves, it is the first time in the ‘let’s say two decades’ or the history of the relationship that the parent no longer has direct control.
4. Expectation setting. I believe that one of the pitfalls parents fall into with young adult children is not establishing expectations. These expectations include financial (who pays for what), scholastic (do I see grades while you are in college), and social (when, how, how much do we, and should we communicate ongoing). Overall responsibility for oneself vs. parent parenting is ongoing.

How can parents provide support and guidance to their adult children without being perceived as controlling or intrusive?

This may differ if a child is in college or out living on their own, but no matter what, it starts with communication. The number one thing a parent should do is listen and not offer unsolicited advice. You are there for support. You are there to connect, be available (but not overly so), and love your child. You are not there to dictate what they do, their thoughts, or how they live. If your child is living out of the home, at some point you must trust the work you have done raising them, the values you have instilled in them, and them as adults.

What communication strategies are most effective for maintaining a strong and respectful bond between parents and their adult children?

All children, young and adults, are the same as everyone else. They will go through periods of selfishness, times when they know better, or there may be times when they don’t need you as much. The key is to set your feelings aside and think of this from a long-term perspective. Stay connected through calls, cards, letters, gifts, whatever the relationship dictates. The key is to let them know you love and support them and are in their corner. Even if it feels at times, it is a one-way street — parents should be playing the long game here!

How should parents navigate conflicts or disagreements with their adult children in a way that strengthens rather than weakens the relationship?

Try and see their perspective. You were 20 years old once, which was important, enjoyable, or a priority for you. And even if you feel you have your shit together and they don’t, think through how you would recive advice from you parents at that age. The point is — listen, and do not be afraid to apologize if your emotions get away from you (be stronger, apologize first, and model the way). Seek to understand. Share your thoughts without judgment, and make sure they know that you love and support them no matter what.

Based on your experience or research, what are the most common mistakes parents make when trying to stay connected with their adult children?

It is hard to define what a healthy relationship between parent-adult child looks like. Although it is different for everyone, a big common mistake is Over Involvement or Under Involvement. Over-involvement is about control, but also about keeping the adult child dependency that a child may be accustomed to. A parent at some point needs to back off, even if the child doesn’t want it. They need to give their child room to grow, solve their problems, and figure things out without running to mom and dad anytime anything happens. Under involvement is breaking away too much to a point where your child doesn’t feel supported. Communication, trust, and good relationships are two-way streets — finding the balance between being dependent or they being dependent on you and completely independent is key. It will vary by child, parent, and situation.

How do shared experiences, traditions, or rituals contribute to maintaining a close and positive relationship between parents and their adult children?

Great question. Experiences and traditions are key to developing long-term connections with your children and adult-children. Positive traditions bring them back home, back spending time with you, underscore the importance of family and togetherness. It could be “This is what we do on birthdays, cards we send and receive, and how we spend holidays.” I have had my children not want to go to Hawaii for Christmas or have people over for a specific holiday because they want to stick to our family tradition and spend time together. This is amazing!
As for experiences, this is the secret sauce of connection with adult children. I no longer give my children (23, 25, and 26) physical gifts (under 10%) for birthdays and Christmas. For Christmas I get them experiences. Most of the experiences are with their mom and me (I also include their significant others). This can be plays, concerts, sporting events, camping, a weekend together away. We give them things they want to do and do with us. This is more of a gift for us as parents, but they love it — and we get to stay connected and share experiences. Geographic constraints may make this a more complicated recommendation for some, but even if they are away, we do fun things together when they come home.

From your experience, what are “Five Tips for A Great Relationship With Your Adult Child”? If possible, please share an example for each one.

1 . Make sure they know they are loved, supported, and you are forever in their corner (their advocates). This is done through communication. Cards, texts, conversations, and physical interactions. Tell them you love them. Hug them. Actively listen to them. Check in with them. Be present in their lives in a positive way. I send cards, check in regularly (different for each child), we have a family group text to share things. They know we are here for them, because we show up and are here for them.

2 . Stop Parenting — Yes, you are always their parent, but at some point you need to shift towards being their peer. Listen to your adult child when they speak. Do not offer suggestions or solutions unless they ask or you know they are open to your thoughts. Trust the foundation you gave them and let them be independent, responsible adults.

3 . Set expectations with your child. This isn’t a written list, but there should be some established norms around interaction, communication, finances, and values. Most children have been on their parents’ cell phone plans for years. I told my daughters last year that car registration and car insurance will be theirs in 2025. We are now at that point. No surprises, no issues, I set expectations, they understood and we had a year to transition. Another example is holidays, we want to see them. But they also have significant others with their own families. It’s important to talk about holidays, visiting, and expectations as to when we will see them, what makes sense, and what they want to do.

4 . You are the model for them. This means how you treat other people, give and receive, and show them love — this is your role as a role model. You want them to see the good in growing older and keeping relationships, staying active, and being a good person. Show them that you have a fun life as their parent and adult. Show them that you love your spouse, respect other people, and their points of view. You may no longer be an active parent, but you are still a role model and example to them as they age. The more they see you as this, the more they will remain interested and connected to you. They want that connection.

5 . This is a next level relationship building tip for parents. Ask your child for help or their advice. It doesn’t matter what it is. You convey that you trust them, value their advice, and need them. Don’t make something up, but if you need advice, ask your child how they would handle it, or if they think you are handling it well. Do not, dismiss, diminish, or correct their advice — thank them when you receive it. This builds next level trust and respect in a parent-child relationship.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Who has been the inspiration or model for you? Can you share a story about that?

I talk about role models in my books — children learn from their parents, other parents (usually a friend’s parents) and how parenting is portrayed in media (social norms). My dad wasn’t the best role model, he was stricter than loving. He was not a model involved parent, but more traditional. In a way, by not wanting to adopt his style or have a different relationship with my children, he led me to adopt a different (at times opposite) parenting style. I ended up valuing the things I didn’t have. Many parents try to give their children things they never had, but this happened to me, on a father-child relationship level. So, in some strange way, I have him to thank for pointing me in a different direction.

I also looked around and adopted styles, traditions, and actions I saw other fathers before me take that I liked. These included going to the father-daughter dance, trying to be present for all my children’s events, and making sure I told my children I loved them and hugged them — things I didn’t have with my father.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

I have written two books, one for couples (The Empty Nest Blueprint) and one for single parents (The Empty Nest Blueprint for Single Parents). I didn’t write these books for money (they say if you want to make money, don’t be an author). I wrote the books because I want to help other people. This was my mantra in HR and growing up — helping others. I wanted to help others cope with this underrated stage in a parent’s/person’s life, and it seemed sharing experiences, research, and data in a book focused on the Empty Nester was ideal.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)

In my heart, the causes I care about are people’s health, the environment, and thinking about others before oneself. I think the environment, (not solely carbon emissions), but how humans treat others, animals, their natural surroundings, and themselves from a health issue, would be my cause.

What would the world be like if people were concerned about pollution, animal welfare, our physical health, and the planet’s health — these things are all correlated, but most don’t see the correlation. Human Beings are amazing at some level; on another level, they are parasites on earth. Is there a way we could be amazing and not just destroy, consume, and pollute? It’s a big question and a big problem.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them :-)

I’m a big fan of David Friedberg, CEO and host of The All-In Podcast. He and I share many of the same values and beliefs. He is a very grounded and optimistic individual. Even though he has achieved great success, he understands the common man and his problems. Because of this, he would be an interesting person to have a heart-to-heart conversation with.

How can our readers follow your work online?

Both my books are available everywhere books are sold.
My Podcast, Dawnversations with Anthony drops weekly everywhere you get your podcasts.

If anyone wants to reach out, please do so at https://anthonydamaschino.com/

Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.

About the Interviewer: At 79 years young, Nancy guides couples to transformative relationship skills, specializing in strategies for stepfamilies to succeed. Nancy brings her MA in Spiritual Psychology, personal experience and research proven strategies to guide couples to healthy communication skills and relationship happiness. Nancy has contributed to multiple media outlets including Huffington Post, Psych Central, and Woman’s Day magazine, to name a few. Nancy coaches in person, on Zoom, in her online courses at www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com , on “Relationship Rehab” TV and Talk and has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married & Love It!” and “Stepping TwoGether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy’s goal is to lower the divorce rate globally.