Lacy Nicole: Why Healing From Trauma Requires Dropping The Pressure To Be Constantly Available

As a part of our series about Mental Health Champions helping to promote mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Lacy Nicole.

Lacy Nicole, a survivor & childhood trauma expert has created new Shame to Sparkle Foundation which focuses on advocacy & mental health resources- specifically in the space of trauma & PTSD — for those in need. After being diagnosed with several autoimmune diseases & infertility due to endometriosis, Lacy decided to shift her perspective to help others who are combating shame.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?

Thank you so much for your time. I grew up in Southern California. I think my upbringing was the blueprint for my fascination with trauma work as I experienced a lot of trauma and issues early on. My mother battled addiction and simultaneously type 1 diabetes; I think I took on a parent role from the get go and had a lot of issues derive from this.

You are currently leading an initiative that is helping to promote mental wellness. Can you tell us a bit more specifically about what you are trying to address?

My goal in Shame to Sparkle Foundation is just that, promoting mental wellness through authentic connection. It’s okay to combat your shame or share your pain. I believe we are all born perfect and unfortunately circumstances, society, others projections, trauma and more all have adverse effects on us. The main focus of STSF is now primarily rooted in resources for PTSD specifically but I hope to grow from there.

Can you tell us the backstory about what inspired you to originally feel passionate about this cause?

As mentioned, I had a very traumatic childhood. I witnessed so many events that were both unfair and traumatizing. In my twenties I then experienced a horrific crime and ultimately following, I was diagnosed with seven autoimmune diseases. I finally took charge in my healing journey and I started speaking on victim advocate panels through the California court system. This experience opened my eyes to how many women are victims of horrific crimes and don’t have the privilege I did to seek out so many realms when it comes to mental health.

Many of us have ideas, dreams, and passions, but never manifest them. They don’t get up and just do it. But you did. Was there an “Aha Moment” that made you decide that you were actually going to step up and do it? What was that final trigger?

Again, I think for me my final trigger was speaking to so many women through the court programs and just seeing how hard healing can truly be. Being a victim of a crime, a trauma, or any event that inflicts PTSD should not be a life sentence. And unfortunately it is for most. I want to help change that trajectory in any way I can.

None of us can be successful without some help along the way. Did you have mentors or cheerleaders who helped you to succeed? Can you tell us a story about their influence?

Actually when I had my accident one of the first doctors I got to see was Dr. Amen of Amen Clinics. This was years ago; but a few years later I saw his wife, Tana Amen speak at an event I was a guest of surrounding abuse and trauma. Her story of her upbringing and just the spiral of issues, abuse and health problems that derived as a result paralleled mine so severely and she was so shame-free and poignant in her word. I felt so inspired to be more authentic in my pain and try to slowly dismiss the shame that had been holding me back.

According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?

I think society has a large impact on the stigma itself. You know; I will never forget when I finally mustered up the courage to share having had been taken against my will, hurt and abused… so many applauded my bravery; but so many shamed me and attached the labels of seeking attention; or being a victim. I think the most victorious action you can take (of course when you are ready and feel safe to do so), is share your truth to hopefully help others or at the very least to validate self. I think when we project our judgement or add these negative labels it’s very damaging & hinders others ability to heal.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

As far as the government I don’t know if I am well versed enough in their budget and resources to give a definitive answer. There definitely needs to be more resources in the court systems alone to victims of abuse, trauma, assault, spousal abuse and more. It’s a horrific road as I have seen it first hand. It really is set up for most to fail and it’s a sad realization because I know most wish they could do more to help however there are only so many resources.

What are your 5 strategies you use to promote your own well-being and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

Lately, I do a lot of inner-child work. I know this sounds hokey perhaps as it is a very BuzzFeed term; however I have found it immensely helpful for my journey. Once every few months I write a letter to five-year-old me and I just explain to her how much she has grown and she is safe now to play and dance and not worry. I sometimes just write how proud I am of her and she didn’t deserve to be left alone or afraid. I think we are all looking through a lens of our own experiences so it’s very important to take judgement out of other’s expectations and pains. We really cannot judge experiences we don’t have a full lens on. A big thing for me and my mental wellness is meeting people where they are. I don’t expect everyone to be everywhere; to be available 24/7.. the need to be replied to immediately and in parallel I don’t put those expectations on myself. I don’t think we were meant to constantly be “on.” I am very mindful of the media I take in and content because I realize what triggers my own issues with PTSD now; I think that’s important if you struggle in the umbrella of PTSD. Healthy boundaries are big to me as well. Learning to articulate your needs and learning to say no can be complex for abuse survivors/anxiety disorders/cptsd and more. Give yourself grace for the speed bumps along the way.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

I love Dr. Amen. I love Tana Amen’s books. “The Body Keeps the Score” is a huge one for me as it’s so prevalent to learning how our physical health is so connected to our mental. I just finished “It Didn’t Start With You,” it focuses on inherited generational trauma which I’m not as read up on.

If you could tell other people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?

I would say, you are never too young, you are never too old. Sometimes being brave is standing up for others, sometimes being brave is standing up for yourself, sometimes bravery is embedded in rest, healing, meditation, etc. Just choose your brave. Sometimes the boldest thing you can do is simply be yourself and that’s enough too. I always finish my episodes of STS with “share a truth, nobody sharing their truth takes away the space for you to share yours.” I think there are enough seats at the table for us all to do miraculous things when we set down fear and shame.

How can our readers follow you online?

Shametosparkle.com @LacyOc @ShameToSparkle

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shame-to-sparkle/id1538698374?i=1000616679777

This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!

About the Interviewer: Inspired by the father of PR, Edward Bernays (who was also Sigmund Freud’s nephew), Michelle Tennant Nicholson researches marketing, mental injury, and what it takes for optimal human development. An award-winning writer and publicist, she’s seen PR transition from typewriters to Twitter. Michelle co-founded WasabiPublicity.com.