--- title: "Dennis Vetrano on Legal Litigation Strategy, Navigating Contentious Custody Battles, and Transforming the Divorce Process" url: "https://authoritymag.co/articles/dennis-vetrano-on-legal-litigation-strategy-navigating-contentious-custody-battles-and-transform" publisher: "Authority Magazine" author: "Authority Magazine Editorial Staff" authorUrl: "https://authoritymag.co/authors/authority-magazine-editorial-staff" interviewee: "Dennis Vetrano" category: "Business" datePublished: "2023-11-25T15:28:42.332Z" dateModified: "2026-11-12T17:06:35.918Z" tags: "Business" --- # Dennis Vetrano on Legal Litigation Strategy, Navigating Contentious Custody Battles, and Transforming the Divorce Process *The veteran family law attorney and podcast host shares profound insights on handling custody battles, managing marital relationships, and reimagining the modern divorce process.* > I have always been an aggressive litigator. Early in my career I had a case where I was arguing for emergency custody in family court. Everything was going well. The judge seemed to be accepting all of my arguments. --- As*a part of our series about the “5 Things You Need To Know To*[Survive And Thrive After A Divorce Or Breakup](https://medium.com/authority-magazine/search?q=Survive%20And%20Thrive%20After%20A%20Divorce)*” we had the pleasure of interviewing Dennis Vetrano.* *As a divorce and family law attorney for over 20 years Dennis Vetrano has seen his fair share of divorces and, pulling from that experience, offers tips and insight into divorce, relationships, and life advice to his 400,000 plus followers on Tiktok, Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, and The DRV Law Show podcast. After decades of working with clients through the divorce process that puts their entire lives under a microscope, he is uniquely positioned to help people have healthier relationships and see the issues in their lives prior to a divorce or breakup and after. Visit drvetranolaw.com for links to Dennis’ social media, interviews and more.* --- **Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?** I grew up as an only child in what was largely a farm town at the time in upstate New York. My dad was a telephone repairman and my mother was a secretary. We were a hardworking, middle-class family. **Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?** It began when I was about five years old. I was constantly being told by friends and relatives that someday I was going to be a great lawyer, I think in large part, because I was always the one to insist my voice was heard, never afraid of questioning things or debating a topic. It’s all history from there. **Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?** I was assigned to represent a client in a custody and visitation matter and when we arrived at court for the first appearance the other parent failed to show, as can happen on occasion. Thereafter, court was adjourned and adjourned again as the other parent continued to fail to appear to answer our petition. Concurrently, our client, the father of the children, had been denied any access or contact with his kids, at first, for weeks but then for months. We discovered the mother had absconded with the children, fled the state of New York and her whereabouts were unknown. Ultimately, we were able to locate the children in California through the use of a private investigator. While it was extremely challenging to coordinate all of the necessary moving parts, we were able to obtain an immediate emergency custody order from the New York State Court, arrange for the registering of such order in California, schedule and navigate service and enforcement by California law enforcement, and coordinate travel for our client to meet with the police to retrieve his kids and fly them home. Honestly, one of the highlights of my career, I remember receiving the call from him saying he was boarding a plane with his kids safe and sound to return home to New York State. **Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?** I have always been an aggressive litigator. Early in my career I had a case where I was arguing for emergency custody in family court. Everything was going well. The judge seemed to be accepting all of my arguments, agreeing with all of the points I had to make, and shooting down each and all of the opposing counsel‘s counter arguments. Towards the end I decided to add one more point. That’s when the judge stopped me, looked at me, and said, “Counselor, have you ever heard the saying when the sleigh is going in the right direction just hold on?” Of course I took the hint and sat down. I learned sometimes less is more. If your argument is going well, and the judge seems to be agreeing with you and giving the other side a hard time, just sit down and be quiet. **Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?** “You can’t change other people you can only change yourself.” This quote is particularly relevant in contentious custody and visitation situations. I often find myself advising clients that while I can do many things with their case, I will never be able to change who the person is on the other side of the matter, and they should not believe that they can do so either. They simply need to adjust how they deal with the other parent, not based upon what they think is logical, or who they believe that person should be, but based upon who that person actually is. It is also relevant to use this as a technique to help improve your marital relationship. If you change the way you show up in your marriage rather than worrying about what you are not getting out of the relationship from your spouse, you will be surprised how much it can improve engagement on both sides. **Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?** As I delve deeper and deeper into the relationship space, my podcast, *The DRV Law Show*, is becoming more and more popular with new and interesting guests every month. We talk about relationships, divorce, and how to live your best life. I am also currently working on a divorce focused self-help book. These are particularly exciting projects for me. After all, I got into this business to begin with to help people, and I think right now this is the best way I can help the most people. **Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Can you tell us a bit about your experience going through a divorce, or helping someone who was going through a divorce? What did you learn about yourself during and after the experience? Do you feel comfortable sharing a story?** I’ve been handling divorce litigation cases for over two decades. As you can imagine, I’ve heard and seen a lot, but certain situations do stand out above the others. One case in particular, our client was taking the split very hard mentally and emotionally which usually manifests itself as extreme mood swings. This is not uncommon or unexpected, especially since they were going through one of the most stressful events of their entire lifetime. During my many conversations with him I was able to determine he had no support to help him through his mental anguish. He had no priest or rabbi, no counselor, no friends, and no family. It was truly heartbreaking. I realized the professionals in our industry are not doing enough. We need to do more to help guide people through this process. I mean this in a global sense. We cannot continue to represent clients as “just another case,” sending them through a broken system that doesn’t care enough about who the person is, who comes out on the other side, or what their life looks like. You see for me, the divorce process should be a metamorphosis for people to move on to greener pastures. To self evaluate, learn, heal, and rediscover themselves. We can reinvent the process with a multifaceted approach. Unfortunately we have so much to fix in our broken system, and the powers that be believe it works perfectly fine just the way it is, but I for one want to be part of the change that provides a brighter future for divorcees. **In your opinion, what are the most common mistakes people make after they go through a divorce? What can be done to avoid that?** One of the most common mistakes people make during, and after the divorce, is not doing the work to get their emotions under control. Nothing will make your divorce, or co-parenting post divorce, more difficult than the unresolved emotional remnants left over from the fractured relationship. I’ve always felt this is the most unique area of law in that there’s such an intense combination of emotions and law. It’s important to separate the two because if your emotions are guiding decisions you’re making in your case, or even how you choose to co-parent with your former spouse, ultimately it can have devastating effects on you and/or your children in the long term. Bear in mind, the work that you put in through the process to become as healthy mentally and emotionally as you can will put you in the best position to find a new relationship post divorce, if that’s what you choose. **People generally label “divorce” as being “negative”. And yes, while there are downsides, there can also be a lot of positive that comes out of it as well. What would you say that they are? Can you share an example or share a story?** There are actually so many more positive aspects of divorce than people ever fully appreciate when they’re going through it. The first is regaining your sense of self. Divorce is the perfect time to learn to love yourself and become reacquainted with who you are and what you want out of life. I think what also goes hand-in-hand with this for many is gaining independence. Specifically for the dads out there, it’s gaining independence in your fatherhood. For many dads this will be their first major opportunity to be solely in charge of caring for the children without any assistance from the mother. This can be scary, but it can also be very rewarding. You realize that every minute of care and time you devote to your children will be returned to you tenfold in the strength of the relationship you develop with them. This is a great opportunity to learn how to truly be a great dad and build that deeper bond with your kids. I remember counseling a client years ago and discussing the topic of pickup and drop off from daycare with him, and I asked him why is it that Mom always does the pickup and drop off? For many dads these simple, seemingly insignificant tasks are overlooked. I try to impart to my dad clients how important every little task of caring for your children is. Nothing is insignificant and nothing should be overlooked. Remember, your kids are watching everything you do for and with them. As for that particular client, fast forward several years, I see pictures of him on social media together with his kids, and I can truly see what an amazing Dad he has become. **Some people are scared to ‘get back out there’ and date again after being with their former spouse for many years and hearing dating horror stories. What would you say to motivate someone to get back out there and start a new beginning?** Remember, the most important thing post divorce is to be completely comfortable in your own skin and learn to love yourself enough to be content being alone. When you reach that point, that’s when you will be most likely to find Mr. or Ms. Right. There is no stopwatch attached to your dating timetable. When you feel you are ready, just get out there and give it a shot. With each date you will progressively learn more about yourself and what you want out of another person. Put no pressure on it. When you find the right person and you’re ready to build a future together you will know it. **What is the one thing people going through a divorce should be open to changing?** The one thing people going through a divorce should be open to changing is themselves. The reality is your life will be changing through the divorce process in a very significant way. You need to understand you need to change with it! I think the first major change is the shift to focusing on yourself. Get out of the shadow of being solely defined as the counterpart in a relationship. While this may seem daunting, because this is what you’ve come to know as your reality, it is also a very exciting opportunity to reinvent yourself. Become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Pursue your career goals, determine your life dreams, do the things that make you happy and yes, if you have kids, they are necessarily a part of this evolution. This will also mean working on yourself, recognizing your shortcomings, accepting the mistakes you have made and trying to make them right. **If you had a close friend come to you for advice after a divorce, what are 5 things you would advise in order to survive and thrive after the divorce? Can you please give a story or example for each?** 1. First, and most important from a legal/pragmatic standpoint, after the dust settles in your divorce case, sit down when you have some quiet time and reread your divorce settlement agreement and corresponding court orders line by line and have a notebook handy. Write down any questions you may have, circle back with your legal representative, and ask those questions so you are crystal clear on what your rights and obligations are under that resolution. 2. When there are kids involved, buy a large markable calendar that you can hang on the wall or on your refrigerator to keep track of the specific days and times for your custodial arrangements. This will also be very useful organizing sporting events, school events, other extracurricular activities, and pick up and drop off coordination. 3. Create a post divorce checklist of to dos. It should include such things as updating addresses, your license, your will, beneficiaries on insurance policies, changing over registration documents for automobiles, etc. 4. Fully embrace your new independence. That means taking responsibility for each and all of the tasks around the house and your portion of child care, as well as determining what pictures you will hang in your new home, how you will decorate it, and what your schedule will look like. It can be a whole new world and it should be. When I say your new home, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve purchased a new home. It just means that you will be re-creating the environment within which you live to best suit an independent you. 5. Be good to yourself and give yourself a break. If you need some alone time, take it. If you need a counselor, seek one out. If you don’t get to everything all the time with your kids, understand you are doing your best. If people want to talk to you about your divorce and you’re just not ready, it’s okay to just tell them politely that you don’t want to talk about it. It’s very important that you be easy on yourself until you’re fully healed, and know in your heart of hearts that your divorce doesn’t mean you failed. It simply means you were ready for a new chapter in your life. **The stress of a divorce can take a toll on both one’s mental and emotional health. In your opinion or experience, what are a few things people going through a divorce can do to alleviate this pain and anguish?** Put you and your feelings first! It is so important when you’re immersed in the divorce process to become as healthy in mind, body, and soul as you can. Engaging with a therapist who specializes in your specific type of situation is helpful. Improve your diet, exercise, do yoga or meditate. All of these things are certainly useful but I think from a pragmatic perspective, even just with the day-to-day, if there’s a time where you’re particularly grief stricken, it’s time to get out of the house. Do something fun with your kids, go see a movie, have coffee with a friend, find a new hobby, volunteer, and do the things that interest you. You’d be surprised what a revelation this can be. Many people can’t even remember what they love to do and/or the last time they’ve done something solely to soothe themselves. **Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?** Mark Cuban’s book, *How to Win at the Sport of Business: If I Can Do It, You Can Do It;* I read in large part because it’s delivered in such a relatable way, seemingly describing how an average guy can become a billionaire and in that way he gives people hope and inspiration so they believe anything is possible. Insofar as divorce-related books are concerned, I love Sarah Armstrong’s book, *The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are Involved*; and Michelle Dempsey-Multack’s book, *Moms Moving On*; because they give you a real-world perspective from people who have been through the divorce process, in varied circumstances, and were able to turn what seems like a devastating end into a new beginning. Insofar as podcasts are concerned, I love *WTF divorce*. Rob Roseman is just great in the way he delivers his real-world experience as a divorced dad. Rudy A’s *Rude Advice Podcast* and *Divorce etc…* hosted by the exEXPERTS are other good ones. I think it’s very important for people to hear from others who have been through the process. Remember, looking out from the inside is just as valuable, if not more valuable, than advice you can receive from divorce professionals/experts who work from the outside looking in. **Because of the position that you are in, you are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)** I think if I could start any movement, it would be one where people stop settling for mediocrity in their lives. Unfortunately, as we age many simply accept that their lives will become bland, boring, unhappy, and unfulfilling. It only needs to be that way if we allow it to be that way. We as human beings are not very comfortable looking in the mirror and going through a healthy level of self reflection and self evaluation on a regular basis. We rarely, if ever, ask ourselves, “Am I living my best life?” “Am I happy?” or “Am I being the best I can be?” We don’t ask because we do not like the honest answers we would give, but we need to realize nothing in our lives is an immovable object. Everything is changeable. We simply need to be willing to be honest with ourselves, make the hard choices, and put in the time and effort to live our best life. Yes, it does take work and sacrifices but it’s worth it. **We are very blessed that very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them :-)** Mark Cuban, in part, because I love his story of how he went from a “regular” guy to a billionaire. Also, I’m not a big fan of stuffy, rich guys. Mark Cuban seems to be the opposite of that. He seems like the type of guy I could have a cheeseburger and a beer with without feeling self-conscious about it. **Thank you for these great insights and for the time you spent with this interview. We wish you only continued success!** --- Source: https://authoritymag.co/articles/dennis-vetrano-on-legal-litigation-strategy-navigating-contentious-custody-battles-and-transform (Authority Magazine, Business). Interviewee answers are first-person statements of the guest. Index of all pages: https://authoritymag.co/llms.txt